'SLAP MY BUM, WE'RE NUMBER ONE!!'
'So far this tour is kicking bottom. Heavy, massive, big.. hairy bottom.'
'No one is putting anything metal near my willy!'
'I don't think a fat fan eating chips on her sofa in Bolton is going to fancy Triple 8, they're too cool. Unlike us - we're easily accessible grot bags!'
'I don't look anything like a girl!'
'Compared to Louis Walsh, I love Nicola! He's just a rude f**ker!'
'I'm not even worth one of Michael Jackson's f**king horrible vases.'
'I'd just like to say, I may be Matt from Busted, but I am also Barry from the Blazin Squad, and uh, just to prove that, I'd just like to FREEK IT AND BEEK IT AND STEEK IT AND DEEK IT BOO BOO BOW!' (or, erm, something LMAO!)
'Do you think you're ready? You think you're ready? But I don't think you're ready!'
[about Beyonce] 'She's got an amazing body and man, that woman can shake her arse!'
'Charlie’s the messiest person ever! He’ll flood the kitchen with milk just making a bowl of cereal!'
[about Charlie] 'I always know when he's coming upstairs because there's this noise like stampeding wildebeest and all the water in my glass starts to shake.'
'You could say, 'I walked in on some girl naked and I saw everything', but you won't have seen everything, no matter how far she's bending over.'
'I forgot that one of my t-shirts had a red symbol on the back of it and it turned everything pink. Now all of my whites have a pinky tinge in them!'
'I've been caught on a bed with a girl by my mum.. twice. And once in a caravan.'
'I pulled a mooney coming off stage at Party In The Park. I enjoyed the scream so much, so as they died away, when were leaving the stage I had to go back on and show my ass to hear it again!'
[about Pop Idol] 'I would wax every hair on my body rather than go on one of those sorts of shows. Manufactured success!'
'My trousers fall down a hell of a lot cause I wear them really big and don't do my belt up very tight. I was walking through a restaurant the other day and they just fell straight down to my ankles!'
'We don't consider ourselves to be a boyband, but we are what we are. We're just boys in a band.'
'A lot of people see us like we're going out there trying to be a rock band, but we're not, we're a pop band.'
'At a party I ended up copping off with this girl, even though I was dating someone else. The next Monday, I was at school when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and the girl I'd cheated on smacked me straight in the gob.'
'We were on a plane and I fell asleep. James says I had this massively long line of bubbling drool hanging from my mouth. He said it was just wobbling in mid-air and, when he woke me up, it fell and splattered all over my face and top!'
'I once broke the ice with a girl by asking, 'Excuse me have you farted?' She couldn't stop laughing - it's genius!'
[about Nicola] 'I was trying to make polite conversation and simply asked her, 'Did you enjoy the gig?' To my amazement, she turned round, shot me a snide look and walked away! I was so shocked and speechless. I just thought, 'You rude f**king bitch!''
'Fletch, our manager, was saying to Charlie, 'Wouldn't it be embarrassing if someone fell down these stairs?' Just as he said it, I went tumbling!'
'One Gareth fan actually spat at me - luckily she missed. She couldn't even spit straight!'
'Two fans yesterday flew in from Japan to come and see our gig in Dublin. That's how cool Dublin is.'
'I need my jacket Charlie. I NEED MY JACKET!!!!'
'I have to say, I've seen Charlie drink out of his shoe and I've never seen anything so disgusting in my whole life.'
'I'd love to win Best Pop Act just to kinda say, you know, we're a pop band.'
'You can't beat a good hair straightener.'
'Do you know what? One thing that I never wanted to f**king do, and we're doing it: we're going to be selling those stupid blow-up guitars. Because if we don't, the guys outside will, and they'll earn a packet instead of us. But we are such c***s. I am the biggest c**t I know. I am selling blow-up Busted guitars at my gigs. We've sold out to rubber guitars. £9 for a glorified balloon. What c**ts.'
'I don't really have any enemies at the moment. The nearest I'd come would be Lostprophets. Because they talk shit and I have no idea why people think they're good. They've just covered a Rachel f**king Stevens song! And they slag US off! Basically they get put down for being the pretty boys of rock, and they can't have a go at anyone in the rock world so they pick a pop group. Why not have a go at some of your peers? Oh, have a go at a pop group. That's a difficult target. Well done, mate. Twat. Classic bullying mentality. The abused becomes the abuser.'
'When people say 'I went to Disneyland and I saw everything', they didn't actually see everything. They didn't see the factory where they make the hats.'
'We've gotta say goodbye now, but we're gonna leave you in the capable hands of ourselves.. but our new album's out, so go buy it. It does exactly what it says on the tin!'
'You dirty little pikachu!'
'Charlie just said pinnicle!' [laughing while drunk after Brits]
'Balderdash!'
'Who would you like to do the ramshank with Charlie? Ramshank!' [while humping the air]
'It did rather seem as if someone had decided that, whenever Busted do a song which isn't about air hostesses getting off with teachers at a wedding in the year 3000, I have to stand looking pensive in a phone box. Not just a phone box. The phone box. The Matt From Busted Phone Box Of Moodiness.'
'Who wants some of my meat?!'
[to interviewer] 'So, when did you lose your virginity?' [interviewer: 18] 'Eighteen?! I thought you were all supposed to be randy in Spain!'
'Charlie! Dude, I'm watching porn with James. Yeah, we're having a great time..'
'There's poop! I am NOT sitting on that toilet.'
'Welcome back Charlie from the big stage in the sky!'
[asked why they're so fit] 'Uh, it's our.. extensive exercise regime.'
'Oh, so you decided to click on me, did you? Press my little button? Ah, well I'll answer your question then.'
'BARRRRRRRRRCEEEEEEELOOOOOOOOOOOOOONAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!'
'I might still have a foreskin, but I've had a haircut.'
[taking the mick out of Charlie, puts on sweet voice] 'Hello? Cameylouuuu? Hello Cameylou!'
'Come on cheesy Chazwick!'
'You are kidding me! You are jerking it!'
'Do you like my new shoes?! Because I've been told that I look like I've got hobbit's feet in them!!'
'Did anyone notice my towel was on fire? Can I have a new towel please, preferebly one that isnt on fire.'

"so it was a 'yeah i'll dance, but i don't want it to look as though i'm dancing just with you?'"
"it's weird to have a lot of fans, but it's brilliant!"
"i do not have a thing for kelly osbourne!"
"so far this tour is kicking bottom! big massive hairy bottom!"
"smack my bum we're number one!"
"i cut grass for a while.. i wasn't trained enough to have a lawnmower so i had to have a strimmer!"
"and do you know what they do with that poo? they drain that poo, and put it back into your taps!"
"thats what i mop your floor for..."
"i wouldn't mind a big one!"
"looking ravishing boys, absolutely ravishing!"
"why've we got a double bed? i'm not sharing a bed with you again mate. waking up with him wrapped around me!"
"is her name really mackenzie? well thats a coincidence innit?"
"why would you make your 'band friend' do it?"
"do you think you're ready? you think you're ready? but i don't THINK YOU'RE READY!"
"NO!!! it was 'rowdy' boys. like rowdy kids playing hopscotch!"
"can i nick a cigarette?"
"exactly! you could say 'i walked in on some girl naked and i saw everything', but you won't have seen everything, no matter how far she's bending over."
"in 1993 i got suspended from school. i was only suspended for half a day. we were told not to play football against a wall but i did, smashed a window and was sent home."
"i'm not into urns. i'm more into a nice coffee-table."
"HE COULD FLY!!! peter pan seriously rocked. he did have to wear green, but then again i'm getting into green these days. camo has revived green. i'd have jennifer love hewitt as my wendy."
"we're worth absolutely bugger-all!"
"i'm not even worth one of michael jackson's fucking horrible vases!"
"i'm quite a good mover you know."
"tateeem? (thinks) i don't think she did come round. but if she did come round my house i'd tell her to bugger off."
"if you're female and your name is david, your parents are evil!"
"well, no just don't fart like, right next to me!"
"there's a rule, no number two's on the tour bus in the toilet!"
"it should be if you're gonna fart, fart out of the window or something"
"a bit of eyeshadow never hurt anybody"